SELF HELP 19
There are many kinds of entrepreneurs, but there is only one kind of hustler. - Cicero
This newsletter is my process of writing a self-help book, tentatively titled How To Make Money: Financial Advice For Poets, though I’m currently also considering the title Single Digit Millionaires.
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But why not just say it?
Two towels and a wash cloth per guest.
Every couch is a sleeper or futon.
Interesting art, but not expensive, and nothing erotic.
A wall of books you can stand to part with.
Four pillows per bed.
Extra sheets for the pullout couch that the guests won’t use.
Be a great neighbor. If the neighbors have your number they’re less likely to call the police. If a neighbor wants to shut down your AirBnB they’ll likely succeed.
Think long and hard about how the community feels about short term rentals. Know the rules and anticipate how they’re likely to change.
A great housekeeper who is also a friend, who, in an emergency, will take the laundry home with her when your washer is broken.
A 55” television with Netflix (the guests will install all the other channels and forget to remove their passwords).
Zinus bed frames, or something upscale from an estate sale.
Tuft & Needle 10” mattresses, unless the mattress came with the bed from the estate of the Frito-Lay heiress in the Lower Garden District. (Edit: I’m rethinking this. These are great mattresses but not sturdy enough for some of your guests who might be heavier. Worth getting a mattress from Costco, or a rebuilt spring mattress.)
Beyond Pricing to set your prices. Never let AirBnB price your listing. (Edit: Actually, PriceLabs is preferable as it’s only $20 per month.)
Nest outdoor cameras.
Lockey mechanical locks that work without batteries, otherwise Yale/Nest, or a Kwikset 913 with an override key stored in a lockbox nearby.
No free bicycle.
No two-headed shower.
No blue-tooth speakers.
Soap, hand soap, shampoo, coffee, coffee machine, toaster.
Fake flowers.
End tables without drawers. Pedestal sink if you’re building a second bathroom.
In a larger house, require 3 day minimum bookings to prevent parties.
Count open areas as “pass through” bedrooms.
The best way to get a bad review is poor cleaning. The best way to get a good review is to ask for one.
Half of all guests will request an early check-in or late check-out. Tell them the price for a late-check out is a 5 star-review. Then say “haha” or include a laughing emoji.
Charge 30% extra for bookings more than 90 days in advance.
A short-term rental must net 2.5 x as much as a long term rental to be viable.
With less than 3 rentals it’s not really worth listing on multiple platforms.
95% of all problems occur at check-in. Make a Google doc with detailed instructions for entering the house. Include pictures and which way to turn the handle and how to reset the lock if they punch in the wrong number. Communicate with them as if they were your own precious special-needs child.
Make a sign with the WiFi password, even though it’s in the house guide you already sent them.
Unless you have special knowledge the risk with every investment is already priced in.
I interviewed two property managers specializing in short term rentals to put together this list. One identified as an ex-poet, though she was only in her late twenties, which is, I think, too young to give up poetry.
The other, who was in his early 50s and unmarried, said he’d wasted a lot of time doing drugs and trying to live authentically.
“Authenticity,” he said, “Is a test you can only fail.” He said if he’d started younger he would have focused on long term rentals but because he was late he was trying to make as much as he could as quickly as possible.
“Anybody who says that money can’t buy happiness has never been in love with a whore,” I replied, which the ex-poet didn’t understand, but I wasn’t going to clarify.
The point they both made, even going so far as to watch me write it down, is that a short term rental is not an investment. You don’t invest in vacation property. An AirBnB is a business, a small boutique hotel. And once you accept that you can start being honest about your limitations and your current situation.
“It doesn’t take much time,” the ex-poet said. “But once you have 3 rentals you won’t think about anything else. You’d have to be extremely careful not to end up a boring person.”
xoxo
p.s. A reader suggested as a topic how to get your book published, without realizing I had already covered this topic prior to when most people signed up for the newsletter. How To Publish A Book.
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Friends that have these seem to like them, but they seem like a lot of work to me.
Now I'm wondering what Cicero wrote that was the closest thing to that quote. If you are wondering about something and don't make even the slightest effort to look it up, does it really count as curiosity? I did do a web search and found nothing much.
I think this might be part of what makes TV or social media attractive. It's an indulgence of not-really curiosity. It doesn't seem like it's a proper substitute for an urgent desire to know things, which would be a symptom of really being alive, or at least desperate.